blogging

i have split my blog on raving of dkchi because it was getting to be much ramblings and too much to sort through. so, i've created a blog specifically for political ravings titled: dk's political poison, and another for writings, poetry and resources located at dk's right to write.

i hope you'll visit all.

Updates

it's certainly been a while since i've written anything. and it DOES seem like every time i write it is a complaint about something. my favorite place in the world is home, Rogers Park, Chicago, IL. my refuge against the craziness was violated saturday night. some one tried to break in through the bedroom window, while i was in the bed. my wakefulness startled them enough to jump from the first floor window and run down the alley, but not after lifting the screen completely and then the window partially.

Bars now grace my bedroom window and ADT receives a portion of my money. so much for the harbor against the storm.

at first, it really didn't bother me. i got up, closed & locked the window, went on the back porch to see what i could see, and went back to bed assured with the decision that the window was locked & bars would be up the next day. it wasn't until i began telling people about it and watching them freak out that i started to freak out and now, with bars on the window and ADT in my bank account, i can't sleep. imagine that!

Depressed-Not Homicidal or Suicidal--Until...

at the risk of upsetting quite a few people, i must voice my opinion on the latest school massacre-NIU. My prayers and thoughts are with the victims families for their loss, AND they are also with the suspects family for their loss as well. possibly, they lost him BEFORE this incident, lost in the depression or lost in the medication.

i can only speak from personal experience. that depression is not always homicidal or suicidal, but more often becomes that when medication is removed. i ask the question: what exactly is that medication doing to the brain that makes it go where it wasn't before, go where it isn't able to handle, go where it no longer wants to be? should we be attempting to treat depression with alternative treatments than drugs that alter the brain's activity?

granted, there are quite a few who take these drugs, SSRI's and are not only content, but ecstatic with the benefits. however, and it is increasingly becoming a large HOWEVER, there are many, young people mostly, who are destroyed and destroying. prozac especially has been in the news repeatedly for causing suicidal tendencies.

once again, i can only speak from personal experience. i was diagnosed with manic depression and bipolar at the age of 50--obviously having coped, maintained and functioned if not perfectly, well enough to not need drugs or hospitalization. maybe it was menopause that did me in. whatever, i found myself in darkness and having a difficult time pulling myself out of it. (see 5-7-2007 post) Hence, the prescription for lamictal and lexapro. there was definitely a difference. i slept 12-14 hrs a day, so i didn't experience any depression, i didn't experience life in general. the solution was to try different doses, different meds--to include a sleeping pill when the different dosages & meds gave me insomnia. all of which was completely unacceptable to me. at 50, i was taking 3 different DRUGS. prescription self-medicated--think Elvis, Heath Ledger, etc. i quit. gave it up.

prior to taking these meds i had researched side effects of each but had not thought of researching withdrawals. it wasn't until i experienced electrical zaps in my fingers, through my face and lips that i thought it may be a good idea to do this research. there you have it. crazy, totally abnormal, incoherent and inconsistent thoughts, feelings, and physical apparitions when stopping these drugs. you no longer want to be the prescription zombie and you then become the prescribed ????

i made it thru, of course i was only taking them for a month or so. my sympathy goes out to those who have been prescription medicating for years. so again, at the risk of upsetting some, i think we should be questioning what we are doing to the brains on these drugs. even the doctors and pharmaceutical creators don't know exactly how they work, so how do the know exactly how they DON'T work?

NIU and Virginia Tech has many, many victims and i think, it is my humble opinion, that we need to recognize all of them, question our ethics and try to prevent others.

what's it all about in rogers park

well, i guess this blog has turned into, or is turning into, an online diary, which is ok. that's not really what i had in mind when i started it but since i've not been disciplined enough to do a daily anything, it is what it is.

check out the winter wonderland pictures on MSNBC

i'd upload some of my own except my daughter (thirty-something) lost my digital camera.

i thought maybe i'd sign in to get a little political with the Obama and Clinton cat fight, or put up some links of poetry happenings in Chicago, or even write some of my own, but once i got here, it just didn't feel right.

i guess i have to ease back into.

Winter Chills Answer to Summer Prayers

Right now, January 15, 2008 in Chicago, IL it is 25 degrees, but feels like 20. Living on the shores of Lake Michigan, it looks like a frigid hinterland outside the door.

In preparation for the new (and last) semester at college, I've been cleaning and organizing my computer files. I've never asked, but I'm hoping that I'm not the only writer who has 3 and 4 rewrites of the same piece.

During this exploratory operation, I discover a piece from the dog days of last summer that only too well typifies the schizophrenia of people. We ALWAYS want what we don't have--regardless. inspired poetry Alaska Heat

So, and so, and whatever

So
What's in a life? Moments on top of never ending moments filled with excruciating experience after glorious experience. You hurt, you cry, you marvel and wonder and jump for joy, and you hurt and cry. The electricity of a lovers lips, the totality of a baby's fingers wrapped 'round your own, the despair of failure, loneliness, the unbelievable shattering of anger, and the dream of a lovers electric lips.

There's a journey, footsteps and leaps, backward and forward and around unforeseen bends, twists and turns of illogic and plan. What is right and which is left? I am a matriarch who thirsts for solitude. I am a hermit plagued by tarantism until slaver dries in the corners of my awed mouth. I am woman, driven and crashed, crippled and propelled by thoughts, temptations, desires and society's suppose to's.

Tis no different, I believe, any where for women. Countries and men will war and kill and women will be. Cannot be just one woman in one place who travels this road to what is in a life. A life, a moment, years of just that and no less, no more, but whatever.

new mac, safari and blogger

well, well, well. even the wonderful world of mac has issues. not exactly mac, i guess, but their browser, safari. the laptop is not even a week old and i needed to install firefox browser just to be able to access all the features here on blogger. but it wasn't only me, seems tons of people all of a sudden had problems accessing features here. even tho i posted a message asking specifically about safari, i didn't get a response, so i figured since it was isp and browser issues for most, i'd try firefox. and wa-la! posting again!!

not that i have any problem at all with firefox, it is a great product and i've used it for the past 3 years to get away for explorer's issues. but everyone told me how super duper all the mac products were, i was caught by surprise that i had to install "accessories" to work productively.

so far tho, i'm still a pig in shit here with my wireless freedom. i suppose i'll have to go ahead and buy an airport base so i can be wireless in the woods & on the beach. YEAH!!!

the wonders of wireless

i have just, this sunday, entered the world of wireless. a big step but what is even bigger is that i have also entered the mac world. since my very first keystroke, i have been a pc girl, even dreamed of Bill Gates, but now, well, i guess he can call me a traitor. was just sooooo sick of all the viruses and checking for viruses and cleaning viruses, that i said, fuck it, i'm going mac. there's SOME operating differences that i'm adjusting to, but not a lot. the whole laptop thing though is what's really messing with me and delighting me at the same time. i miss the right click button on the mouse, but i suppose as i learn the keyboard shortcuts on the mac, it'll be ok.

the whole thing is that now, right this very minute? i'm sitting at the street side cafe tying this. that is the most coolest thing ever. getting ready to continue editing my poetry manuscript that i will send to the Poetry Foundation for their Emily Dickinson manuscript contest by june 15th. no longer "wired" to my desk on weatherly perfect days--we don't get a whole of them in Chicago. i have stepped into the 21st century, altho i still refuse to get a cell phone. email me & i will respond almost immediately, call and if there's no answer, leave a message, MAYBE i'll call you back. but if you have email, chances are i won't.

Chicago Jumping May 11th

Besides being confident that Chicago will host the 2016 Olympics, there's just so much more to the Windy City that sets it apart from all others--and yes, even the Big Apple.

This Friday, May 11th will be jumping in our downtown--the historic LOOP. And I get to be a working part of it.



LOOPTOPIA, 5pm-6am, will be America’s first dusk-to-dawn cultural and artistic spectacle showcasing the vibrancy and excitement of Chicago’s historic Loop neighborhood through musical and theatrical performances, unique shopping and dining opportunities, indoor programs, outdoor exhibitions, architectural tours, artistic installations and mesmerizing light displays.

LOOPTOPIA will literally transform the entire Loop into a sensory playground with cutting edge lighting and design elements that will immerse the Looptopia visitor in amazing sights and sounds.

As part of this amazing event, I, Donna Kiser, and others writers from the Neighborhood Writing Alliance, publishers of the Journal of Ordinary Thought will perform through poetry "Chicago Through Words and Music," with accompaniment by the jazz and world music of the Ways and Means Trio. Performance at the Chicago Temple, 77 W. Washington, 7-7:45pm. Come out to hear real life stories about Chicago, and to celebrate the vibrancy and excitement of this GREAT city and its extraordinary writers.



Columbia College Chicago's Urban Arts Festival: MANIFEST. May 11, 9am-9pm, 30,000 people. 75 showcases. 10 galleries. 4 stages. 1 parade. 24 hours. Dance it. Draw it. Sing it. Paint it. Photograph it. Play it. Record it. Show it. See it! Edible books, Jon Langford, Spectacle parade, and yours truly again, Donna Kiser, as vp of student org. Poetry in the Round, will host, with her pres, Donna Pecore, a poetry open mic right in the street. From 11am-4pm at the corner of State and Harrison.

Chicago--definitely, MY KIND OF TOWN!!

It's Been A Very Long Time

The last post was in December 2006. WOW! I could use the excuse of school again, and it wouldn't be soooo far off. This semester was tough, but it had nothing to do with the classes. It had to do with a recent diagnosis. Well, not actually the diagnosis, rather the illness itself. You see, I've been diagnosed as having dysthymia, or long-term depression, and anxiety. Another great big WOW! Of course, it explains a lot--especially the absence from here--and many other places, believe me.

Thankfully, the anxiety is either the general type or possibly, post traumatic stress disorder. No, I'm not a vet, well maybe I am, a veteran of domestic violence, some twenty years past now. But apparently, PTSD can occur whenever. Isn't that wonderful? Not only was my abuser a detriment to me, and my children, when we were together, he may still have control of my life. I prefer to accept the general anxiety, however I must still acknowledge where it may have stemmed from.

Regardless, I've so isolated myself as to put the roof over my head in jeopardy, as well as my GPA and all personal projects planned. Slowly but surely, I am coming around, evidenced by this very post. And the situation has compelled me to finally write the story. As my final project for the Professional Writing Seminar, I have compiled a book proposal, that will be mailed this month, after comments from the professor.


So, maybe the recognition of the mental illness is a good thing, besides the obvious of getting treatment. It may be the catalyst to actually getting the things done, especially, telling this long needed story. Domestic violence is a relevant and timely subject, still, and hopefully this may help others.

The Chicago Foundation for Women has a year long initiative in 2007 called What Will It Take?, and I believe this is what it will take, veterans of abuse standing up, speaking out and being a part of the solution by remembering, and voicing those memories, loudly.

I'm taking my step, and this post, and the many more to come, is part of the healing.

i'm back

it's been a LONG semester. long and hard, but i made it through still with a 3.8 gpa, 4-'a's and 1- 'b.' it was that cultural theories class, structuralism, postmodernism, marxism and not to mention, posthumanism, which is what i did my final project on, and hope to never hear about it again, although it did boost that grade from a 'c' to a 'b' coz' the project won me an 'a' all by itself. wheeew!

then christmas, which i'm really considering on boycotting next year. the commercialism is overwhelming. but it's all for the kids (or grandkids in my case) i guess. as you can see, they were all very happy.

but now that it's all over and spring semester doesn't start until january 22, i have time to post, write poetry, short stories, do some submissions, enter some contests, and rattle on about my own twisted opinions of everything.

more to come. off to write a science article--for pay! yeah!

blah-day

today really is a blah-damn day. went downtown to the outdoor showing of "on the waterfront" with marlon brando. hadn't seen it in YEARS. thank goodness we've come a long way in filming and scriptwriting, altho it is a classic. but didn't even get home til 12:30am, and then not asleep til 1 or 2, which is sooooo late for this old girl.












so, from previous posting "cat corner" you can see, rocky and lola seem to be getting on a little better.

Let's Go Bears

August 9th. Family Day at Soldier Field.

Bear Down, Chicago Bears.
Make every play clear the way to victory!
Bear Down, Chicago Bears.
Put up a fight with a might so fearlessly!

We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation,
With your T formation.

Bear Down, Chicago Bears.
And let them know why you're wearing the crown.

You're the pride and joy,
of all Illinois.

Chicago Bears, Bear Down!

cat corner

it's been a cat dilemma ever since my 14 yr old passed away last year. the kitten, isis, that i'd gotten to keep him company went berserk and wouldn't pee anywhere but the corners--every corner. no physical problems, just depression i guess. and even though i cleaned everything, i figure she still smelled the sickness and death of skipper. after months and lots of $$, so i thought a companion for her would help. enters rocky. although they got along smashingly, isis still peed only in the corners. so i figured the best thing for her was to start over in a new home, where there were no memories & no smells, so i gave her away. then there was only rocky. my girlfriend was moving & couldn't take her cat of 3 years, lola, so enters lola. now i've had cats for most of my 50 year and i've found that initial introductions are best without a lot of human involvement, but lola is quite different. she just hides. i brought her out to show her where her food was and she sat with me for awhile on the sofa, but soon disappeared when ken came in the door. later, he brought her out and she settled comfortably beside him for hours. of course rocky couldn't get anywhere near without her hissing and growling and he just backs away like "ok fine, be by yourself." but now, she has found herself a perfect hiding place. so good in fact, that I can't find her. i figured i'd try the "psychological" approach and put her in the bedroom as a safe place, with all her stuff and just let her get comfortable enough in there and meet rocky through the door. my fear is that she won't even come out from under the bed or behind the mirror even then.
ah well, its something to take my mind off of not getting any work done. maybe the whole ordeal will inspire me somehow.

Convoluted ravings

there's so many things that bother me today, from the fact that we are charging $300 to be evacuated from Lebanon, to the proposed ban on "trans fats" for restaurants in Chicago (like we in Chicago have NOTHING else to think about, maybe like homelessness, hunger, crime, etc, etc), to the damn incessant HEAT. of course it's cooler today only 83. i've actually turned off the ac and open windows. getting myself prepared for the reading tonight at Muse Cafe, then figuring out what to do with the day. didn't really feel like blogging, didn't feel like doing the business plan or the grant proposals, and this after i wrote that wonderful article yesterday about FOCUS. what a lot of bullshit. if only i could practice what i preach. i live my life as if i were actually independently wealthy with no responsibilities of obligations. it's really quite nice except for the grip of guilt occasionally and then the clamp of reality regularly. inspiration is what i need.

hocus, pocus, FOCUS

i don't understand why focus is so difficult these days. it never used to be. when i worked for someone else, i knew what time i started, what time i finished and i knew exactly what to do and when to do it in between. now, working for myself, i just don't seem to know--when to start, what to do first, when to quit. it's frustrating as all hell. grant proposals to write--for pay. business plans to write for pay. a poetry manuscript to edit. a short story manuscript to compile. a website to complete, both personal and for pay. this whole blogging thing to work on. and then of course there are dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning, building relationships. on and on and on. ahhhhhh! the whole thing about setting a schedule to work by is psychological. i get this feeling then that i'm no longer independent, once again on a time table. yet here's the thing. if there's no time table, then nothing REALLY gets done. haphazard and scattered bits and pieces. i've had no customer complaints, except the one internal customer--ME!

so, i've started something i've NEVER done-a to do list. not in any kind of order, the first thing to do is get it all down, brainstorm, everything that can be thought of that needs doing, keeping household seperate from both personal and paid work. then decide which takes priority. sometimes this can cross over because sweeping or cooking can free up the mind to receive ideas for the others. it's gonna take at least a day to get everything organized, at least for me, to have all paid stuff ordered together, all personal, etc.

then caluclate at LEAST an 8 hour day, just like a job. when i first became self-employed i used to get up and prepare myself just like i was going to the office. i've since gotten lazy and usually get up, grab a cup of java and sit down at the computer. WRONG! shower, brush teeth, get dressed and THEN go to work! there's an old saying about saving money, that you pay yourself first, otherwise it'll all be gone by the time you get around to YOU. the same holds true for work. while we think that we should do paying jobs first, because after all, that's what's keeping the roof over our heads, when we're done, we have no brain power left for our personal stuff. so, my choice is ME first. read my email, gather ideas for writing & blogging, then do the actual writing and blogging. spend some time marketing, checking out submission guidelines, publishers, etc. at least half of the 8 hour day should be spent on personal work otherwise the success will never come. and breaks have to come in somewhere. breaks were taken at corporate so why not at home? stretches, coffee greaks, lunch, and all AWAY from the computer. again, it frees up the mind to receive.

now, all is ready for the customers. the remainder of the work day is spent on the paying gigs with a fresh, alert and relieved mind, unharried and unscattered. as i've said, i've yet to have a customer complaint but i can see the difference, if only in my approach to their project. and approach, with presentation, is everything.

then dishes, laundry, cooking and cleaning if it wasn't used as a release earlier. time for the significant other and even some time left over for a bubble bath with a glass of wine and a good book. there's really nothing magical about it, just harnassing the psycho babble that says "you're scheduled, you're not free." it's that internal critic again, tying up and saying it can't be done. with a little of the old hocus, pocus you can focus and poof, those ties are broken.

first of firsts

sooo, i decided in may to trying blogging. set up my new website at www.donnakiserwriter.com, then set up a blog through wordpress, which is who my great server yahoo recommends. what a mess. couldn't set the time for chicago. then when i viewed it in ie (i use firefox) it was jumbled beyond recognition. that's getting to be typical with ie. the problem was going to the support forums for wordpress and getting 0 help. so, here i am on blogger, which is bigger and better anyway--so i hear!

so there

now we have everything and a new beginning for the beginner. maybe when i sign up for blogexplosion this time, i will be accepted.

now to have some friends see if they can post.

her we gooooo.

published 6-5-diagnosis

it's a beautiful sunny monday morning on chicago's lakefront and i feel better about friday's material. my daughter in virginia wondered why i didn't have someone with me when i went for my breast ultra sound-someone for moral support and i said i didn't need anyone, it was only an unltra sound. the weekend and my writings proved me wrong. it WAS just an ultra sound but then they ordered a biopsy, so it turned a touch darker. it's possible that the mass found is benign, but of course it's possible that it's not. it wasn't until i read the poem i wrote about it at chicago's printers row book fair, that i realized how deeply i felt about all of it.

Diagnosis

published 6-2- another day in the life

well finally i got my boyfriend ken to go look at my truck. it was stalling and dying and was parked four blocks over for a week. he went, fiddled with some wires and shazaam, fixed. i guess its a guy thing. would've been nice if he would've gotten over there sooner, but thats a guy think too. ken time, i call it. he says it's an artists' thing. visual artists are sure a lot different than writers, i'll tell you.