Monday, September 09, 2013

Where the Hell Have I Been?

Wow, has it actually been 7 months since a blog post? My goodness dear, sincere apologies to myself for not putting forth the effort to write. To write anything, even a small stone for the day. Specifically, not working on the memoir or the novel. I’ve been feeling invisible again, and when that happens, I disintegrate even to myself. I can see the spark at the end of this particular tunnel, and with it, comes a slow emergence of self again.  

So what has been happening in these past 7 months? Well, while I have done my signature hermit routine of watching tons of black and white movies and eating brownies, I’ve not been at a complete standstill.

I’ve attended enough wrestling matches in sweaty, smelly gymnasiums, and sat on steel and wooden bleacher seats that my butt was almost flat – for a time – it has returned just as plumply round, thank you. My grandson, London, went to state but was out in the second round. It was a big stage for a 7 year old. His older brother, Lenny, took first in city. Their cousin, Lenny (yeah, there are a LOT of Lenny’s running around), was traveling all over southeastern Wisconsin with his high school. It was a lot of travel, hotel rooms, small and large gyms, and tons of people and kids through the month of April. Then there was baseball for the grandsons, and of course, now it is football. Sometimes the games are separated by five minutes and 20 miles.

Somewhere in there Vanessa got engaged and then there was wedding planning. In between and around the wedding planning was tension over the living arrangements that we’d agreed upon before I even left Georgia. Even though the particulars were different, the outcome is still the same – I have to go. After the wedding, the tension has diminished some but I still need desperately to go. I really love having my own space, my solitude, and my own lifestyle. I’m sure she does as well, so going is mutual.

I do love being around the grandkids more than anything.  There’s nothing quite like the feeling of having them run up and hug you the minute they see you. Or, to have them sigh deeply when they realize it’s Sunday and that means Nana’s Sunday breakfast, and they’re all gathered around one table. Love it! Getting a phone call that the oldest grandson was just accepted to my alma mater Columbia College Chicago, and knowing that it’s a short train ride to go celebrate with him. 

Maybe, I’m still regrouping from the move back, accepting whatever that was – mistake, failure, adventure – and figuring out what’s next. Updating this blog, moving on to the Georgia memoir, and returning to the novel. I’m feeling inspired again and that’s a positive sign. So, expect to see more of me.