At the Spirit of the Earth Church’s Samhain Festival on October 22, 2011, I walked the labyrinth after first searching my heart and soul about what I needed desperately to release for 2012; searching for the one thing that was holding me back from realizing my dreams. The list rolled in my head: overeating, being lazy, worry, money, etc. Only one word kept blasting me over and over. Every time I meditated on a word that came up, this one word blew it apart and stood prominent before my eyes, whether my eyes were closed or staring at the fire, or looking at another person who was trying to make the same decision.
This ritual of searching and releasing was a solitary ritual in unity. It was a word or act that we were to keep to ourselves and release it in the labyrinth fires. I did that, until today. Today, I must share because the universe has come together yet again to support me. The word, the act that I released; the word and the act that has held me back from everything, is FEAR.
What I realized today is that just releasing your issue once is not enough. It must be released every moment of every day. It must be acknowledged and put aside again and again, otherwise it slowly and surely creeps back in until it once again overwhelms you.
For days, possibly weeks if I’m to be honest, fear has strangled me until in the past few days, I barely moved through the house. I went from bed, to dining room table to armchair, and not much more. Fear is paralyzing. Fear of having made the wrong decision to move away from my support group, having made the wrong decision on the location to settle, fear of having trusted the wrong people, fear of what people think of me, fear of what will become of me in the future. Fear, Fear, FEAR!
Thanks to the energy of good and positive that I’ve learned, even sub-consciously to look for, I’ve been able to acknowledge, name and release my issue—yet again.
- The first was the reading of Tao te Ching this morning: “When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” I even posted this on Facebook disputing the ending.
- The second was being too lazy and involved in my delicious breakfast to get up and turn the knob when the Chattanooga Public Radio Classical 90.5 I listen to went into a religious broadcast. Amidst the bites, chews, and swallows, Pastor Jerry Arnold of the Collegedale Seventh-Day Adventist Church told a story of Navy Seals Training. He told of how instructors talked for hours about how terrible the next step would be and all they had to do was ring the bell and be saved from the torture. How several men rang the bell and left the training, not because of what they were going through but out of fear of what was to come.
- The third came on top of the second. While Pastor Jerry Arnold was talking about being present in the moment and being thankful for what we have, I read an article “Love More,Fear Less: A Mantra for the Holidays” by MeiMei Fox on Huffington Post: “By giving to others, we heal our own wounds. We become happier, more fulfilled, and even live longer. So yes, fear less: take on your demons, push yourself past your limits, be brave and bold. But also, love more, starting with yourself.”
So, I remove the dispute that “everybody will respect you,” because it was fear that people didn’t respect me that made that dispute. I will not stop giving, helping, and most importantly, trusting because of what someone else may think, and if someone doesn’t like me or doesn’t respect me and my decisions, that is their problem, not mine.
Peace and love