Depressed-Not Homicidal or Suicidal--Until...

at the risk of upsetting quite a few people, i must voice my opinion on the latest school massacre-NIU. My prayers and thoughts are with the victims families for their loss, AND they are also with the suspects family for their loss as well. possibly, they lost him BEFORE this incident, lost in the depression or lost in the medication.

i can only speak from personal experience. that depression is not always homicidal or suicidal, but more often becomes that when medication is removed. i ask the question: what exactly is that medication doing to the brain that makes it go where it wasn't before, go where it isn't able to handle, go where it no longer wants to be? should we be attempting to treat depression with alternative treatments than drugs that alter the brain's activity?

granted, there are quite a few who take these drugs, SSRI's and are not only content, but ecstatic with the benefits. however, and it is increasingly becoming a large HOWEVER, there are many, young people mostly, who are destroyed and destroying. prozac especially has been in the news repeatedly for causing suicidal tendencies.

once again, i can only speak from personal experience. i was diagnosed with manic depression and bipolar at the age of 50--obviously having coped, maintained and functioned if not perfectly, well enough to not need drugs or hospitalization. maybe it was menopause that did me in. whatever, i found myself in darkness and having a difficult time pulling myself out of it. (see 5-7-2007 post) Hence, the prescription for lamictal and lexapro. there was definitely a difference. i slept 12-14 hrs a day, so i didn't experience any depression, i didn't experience life in general. the solution was to try different doses, different meds--to include a sleeping pill when the different dosages & meds gave me insomnia. all of which was completely unacceptable to me. at 50, i was taking 3 different DRUGS. prescription self-medicated--think Elvis, Heath Ledger, etc. i quit. gave it up.

prior to taking these meds i had researched side effects of each but had not thought of researching withdrawals. it wasn't until i experienced electrical zaps in my fingers, through my face and lips that i thought it may be a good idea to do this research. there you have it. crazy, totally abnormal, incoherent and inconsistent thoughts, feelings, and physical apparitions when stopping these drugs. you no longer want to be the prescription zombie and you then become the prescribed ????

i made it thru, of course i was only taking them for a month or so. my sympathy goes out to those who have been prescription medicating for years. so again, at the risk of upsetting some, i think we should be questioning what we are doing to the brains on these drugs. even the doctors and pharmaceutical creators don't know exactly how they work, so how do the know exactly how they DON'T work?

NIU and Virginia Tech has many, many victims and i think, it is my humble opinion, that we need to recognize all of them, question our ethics and try to prevent others.

what's it all about in rogers park

well, i guess this blog has turned into, or is turning into, an online diary, which is ok. that's not really what i had in mind when i started it but since i've not been disciplined enough to do a daily anything, it is what it is.

check out the winter wonderland pictures on MSNBC

i'd upload some of my own except my daughter (thirty-something) lost my digital camera.

i thought maybe i'd sign in to get a little political with the Obama and Clinton cat fight, or put up some links of poetry happenings in Chicago, or even write some of my own, but once i got here, it just didn't feel right.

i guess i have to ease back into.